Fairy Tale Origins

LITTLE JACK HORNER

A while ago and way back when
in a year that had otherwise notably been
the year of the great pie eating show
where something went terribly wrong, as you may know.
A spirited young man by the name of Jack Horner
had holed himself away in the furthest corner
of the room where the pies were being consumed
to give himself a little more room.

“This contest’s a cake walk,” he claimed with a grin.
“I’d bet a million to one that I’m going to win!”
With that said he began to plow into his pie
at the sound of the gunshot (fired by some guy).
Blueberry, it was, I remember it well;
Jack’s face covered with a thick purple gel.
As chunks of blueberry fell from his cheeks,
Jack suddenly stopped eating, looking slightly weak.

Suddenly his body began to sway;
his face turned green … oh, and if I may
leave out the following detailed gore
about what Jack Horner ejected onto the floor.
But anyhow, after he had become more composed
he turned to the other contestants with a moan.

And with his thumb dug into his pastry
and pulled out something that was far from tasty;
a big fat furry and greasy dead rat
that looked like it had been mauled by a cat
was dripping and splattered with purple goo
while Jack held it up and murmered, “What should I do?”
In a flurry of movement and horrified screams
the other contestants exited the proceedings
leaving Jack the winner only by default
but Jack’s winning really was all for naught.
You see, young Jack now has a peculiar fright
Every time he lays eyes on a blueberry pie. 

-Sara Michaels